My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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