Apparently you make a good broom.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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