you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
