we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The air was thick with penises
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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