For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
