We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He shit in the fireplace
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
