nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
