3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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