I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
