the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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