Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
