Kiss
Puke
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
