shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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