So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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