I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cockslap morals
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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