I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
