Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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