Apparently you make a good broom.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
