Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
