dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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