She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
