I cockslap morals
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
