My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
