I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
