I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm both gender and math confused
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
