I want to walk on stilts...naked
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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