I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
