I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We smell like vodka and hangover
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