I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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