She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
