'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
