i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she told me i tasted like america
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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