No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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