dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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