If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
