He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
