In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
