Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
