Tell her she can't have a vagina
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
