She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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