I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
