You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
