He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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