her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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