in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
this is an emotional support booty call
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
did i just pee glitter
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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