God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need a beard to bite.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
