I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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