I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
