just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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