life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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