Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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