I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
