i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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