i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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