There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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