never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
