Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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