I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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