Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
