Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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