do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Non-Jews are for practice
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
