Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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