Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How's work?
Spinning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
