I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
