No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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