Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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