Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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