Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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