I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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