Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
