Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
