I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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