How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
