Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
