We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
