i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
