Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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