found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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