I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
